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Ctrl
The control key on my keyboard doesn’t appear to work. I keep pressing it by itself in a futile attempt to gain more control over my life, my kids, my dogs, and my job, and nothing seems to happen. If only it were that easy. What if it is?
Seeking Control
Dictionary.com offers the following definition of control: 1. to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command.
American Psychological Association (APA): control. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged. Retrieved December 09, 2010, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/control
In a world that sometimes feels out of control, it’s interesting how often we mere mortals attempt to gain control of situations and other people. We try to exercise direction over, dominate, or even command other free-thinking human beings to should bend to our better judgment, desires, opinions, beliefs, and will.
Many of us control freaks are happy to assume the command-and-control function in almost any situation, and to save time, we often don’t even wait to be asked. I remember the famous 1981 quote by then–Secretary of State Alexander Haig, who told reporters, “I am in control here,” after President Ronald Reagan was shot in an assassination attempt.
Frustration+Anger=Depression
Our problems begin to appear when we attempt to control people or situations that are beyond our control or authority. As a result, we get angry or frustrated.
Try as we will, the majority of our most challenging and frustrating life events are in fact beyond our control. That’s what makes them so frustrating. We keep hitting our mental “Ctrl” key over and over, harder and harder, and louder and louder and do not get any tangible results most of the time. The only outcome is our building frustration and anger at the futility of it all.
Once we reach this exasperating realization, many of us tend to shut down in the form of depression. Our situation appears hopelessly uncontrollable, so why bother trying?
Some people learn this truth early in life and make it a guiding excuse for all of their failures and non-attempts.
Serenity’s Secret
Wisdom gained through experience often comes in the form of a bruised and battered forehead from running headfirst into the same walls. A lucky person discovers early that there is a secret to ending the frustrating control quest. It is accepting that some things are genuinely beyond your control.
Real Control
Wisdom and serenity demand that we end our futile efforts to control the uncontrollable. (My kids will no doubt cite my quote often.) Instead, we can fully accept responsibility for the two areas of life over which we have been granted exclusive control:
1) My attitudes.
2) My behaviors.
That is pretty much all there really is in each of our personal spans of true control…my attitudes and my behaviors.
In his landmark book, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” Viktor Frankl wrote,
“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
Choose Your Own Way
The path to wisdom and serenity is accepting full responsibility for your own attitudes and behaviors, or, as Frankl says, “choose one’s own way.” Freedom demands the ability to choose your own way. Have you been attempting to form a family-based dictatorship? Are there attitudes and behaviors that are within your power to change that can end your frustration and anger and maybe lift your feelings of depression?
Yes, I know it is true. Learning to control even a few of your thoughts and behaviors can dramatically improve your life. Even if the circumstances do not change, their ability to negatively impact your inner well-being is negated. Nothing can touch your soul without your permission.
Are you willing to accept what you can control… your attitudes and your behaviors? Are you willing to give up trying to be god and begin to trust God to manage what is beyond your control?
If you do, wisdom and serenity will be yours and you can begin to live your life, Fired Up!
Ready to fire up your work and your life? I’m an executive coach from Indianapolis, and I work one-on-one with executives and managers, in person for local clients or via Zoom. If this post raised a question about your work or your next step, we should talk. The first discovery call is free and confidential. Book your discovery call, or call or text me at 317-643-0058, Monday through Friday, 9 to 5.
