Effective Executives Are Power Providers

Effective Executives Maintain Powerful Connections

When I think of an effective executive, I think of a power block.

An effective executive is plugged directly into the organization’s power current. They are the power providers for those connected to them.

An effective executive is a surge protector for their team. They provides safety in storms to prevent those connected to them from being shocked, fried and burned out.

An effective executive provides adapters so they can connect and power each unique resource.

An effective executive provides the right amount of power to each connection for optimal performance.

An effective executive rapidly senses when a resource has disconnected and rapidly re-establishes a working connection.

An effective executive understands that normal wear and tear and friction can cause connections to fray and for wires to get crossed. They invest time in relational maintenance and conflict prevention.

Do you need to grow your power supply and become a more effective executive? Let’s talk today about creating your A-B-C Growth Plan!

If I were you…actually means if you were me

How many times have you tried to offer helpful advice by saying, “If I were you…”? We think our amazing empathetic powers allow us to have clarity of insight and understanding of others’ complex and complicated lives. We can obviously see what someone else should do in a situation or solve someone’s problem.

If you were in their shoes, your feet would probably be uncomfortable.

The Science of Motivation® and extensive psychological research of Professor Steven Reiss, Ph.D., found that we each have a unique values-system created by our genetics and cultural upbringing that we use to interpret our experiences and worldview. Professor Reiss discovered that we each believe our values-system is the best one for every human, a term he called “self-hugging.” Reiss also found that humans tend to advocate and defend their strongest values by influencing and sometimes forcing others to change and adopt their values systems. Reiss called this well-meaning coercive tactic everyday tyranny.

When we give feedback or advice, we are always providing our subjective opinion based on our biases and individual values-system. Basically, we imagine ourselves in the situation and share what we would likely do to create an outcome that we would find most satisfying and least objectionable. We believe we are recommendations that are objective and rational, but they are actually personal. We make the mistake of believing we are each “normal” when we are each very different.

Our everyday tyranny is amplified when we have organizational power or authority to mandate our values-system to others. We naturally encourage or influence others to do things “my way or the highway.” Even when we do not overtly do so, people are attuned to imitate what their boss does, how the boss reacts, and what the boss rewards as normal, acceptable behaviors.

Executives risk creating a group-thinking culture of “yes” people who are actually using tremendous quantities of willpower and self-control to acquiesce to the tyrannical boss’ demands inauthentically. We lose the inclusion of different worldviews and miss out on invisible possibilities in our values-blind spots.

Whenever you say, “If I were you…” you are actually meaning “If you were me…”

Rather than offer advice or recommendations that would yield consequences you could live with, it is more helpful to ask the person seeking your opinion open-ended questions that you do not already believe you know the answers to. Here are some of my favorite self-hugging prevention questions:

  • What do you think is the wise thing for you to do?
  • What are the best and worst likely outcomes from your decision?
  • What advice are you secretly hoping I would give you?
  • What recommendation could I make that would make you most confident and/or most afraid?
  • What is in the way of you making a decision?
  • If you were going to advise a friend, what would you do if you were them?

We often falsely believe we are looking out a window when mentally, we see our reflection in a mirror. I use the Science of Motivation® with all of my executive coaching clients to clearly understand their unique values-system and worldview. Executives are responsible for sustaining a culture of inclusivity of everyone’s unique values-system. Inclusive collaboration depends on a high level of motivational intelligence. I work with my executive coaching clients to help them use the Science of Motivation® to their competitive advantage. If I were you, I would highly recommend you find out more about a scientific approach to inspiring the best in your people and you.

Let’s talk about being your best at doing your good!

How Can You Relate?

“What skill do you think is most valuable for a founder to develop?” asked my executive coaching client.
“Relatability powered by the empathetic understanding of others,” I replied.

photo of people holding each other s hands
Photo by fauxels on Pexels.com

Relationships Require Connections

Being in an interpersonal relationship with anyone requires the ability to relate to each other meaningfully. Relating, by definition, means to establish a connection. Where do we connect? We try to connect around common values, interests, and goals.

When we try to relate with people who hold opposite values and worldviews, we naturally reject them because it naturally triggers our primitive threat-protection system in our brains. We risk naturally judging people with wildly different values and worldviews as weird, bad, wrong, or even dangerous.

Where Most Bosses Go Wrong

For example, a boss who has an extreme need to test her self-confidence may not value nor need encouragement or feedback from others. Self-confident people tend to evaluate their performance, mainly on self-evaluation. A self-confident boss may find it hard to understand how someone has an intense need for acceptance of others and has minimal self-confidence naturally. They may find the employee’s repeated requests for performance feedback as a character flaw or area for professional development. Instead of giving the employee the encouragement and positive feedback they need to boost their performance, the self-confident boss might advise the person to increase their own self-confidence and send an unintentional message that the employee is somehow deficient lacking a desired professional trait. Motivationally intelligent bosses understand the need to adapt their approach to each individual they serve and find ways for from meaningful connections with other people.

We Must Adapt to Relate and Connect

We need to develop a connection adaptor to plug into relationships with very different people. This adaptor has various levels of connectivity, understanding, tolerance, acceptance, respect, and more. An empathetic understanding of differences is best understood and developed through developing one’s motivational intelligence using the Science of Motivation®.

Leaders in the 21st Century must develop and sustain highly effective relationships with others centered on creating significant change. To be effective, leaders must be able to relate or connect with others. Motivational intelligence holds the key to meaningful connections.

What could become possible for you as a leader if you can learn to make and maintain excellent connections with those you work with?

As an executive coach, I can help you use the Science of Motivation® to increase your motivational intelligence rapidly. You can quickly learn how to make connections with others and understand how your own empathetic blind spots impact your effectiveness.

Can we connect and have a conversation about motivation?

How to Stop Your Shoulding From Making You Musty

Even my most idealistic executive coaching clients can become frustrated and angry at other people they interact with. As they passionately vent their feelings to me, I quickly hear the voice of their values, cluing me into their underlying values-system, values judgments, and expectations. Three red flag words mark a values judgment: SHOULD, OUGHT, and MUST. Changing one’s self-talk by replacing these three words can greatly reduce one’s anger and frustration. Practicing self-control allows motivationally intelligent executives to choose the most beneficial response and to avoid regrettable overreacting.

One’s values-system consists of 16 different needs which we each give different priorities and experience in different intensities.  Our values-system creates the rules we use to maintain our consistent worldview and underlying values judgments.  Unfortunately, our rules for life also can create our expectations for how other people SHOULD behave and MUST treat us. 

The Science of Motivation® teaches that we passionately believe our values-system is best and that other people will be happier if they change to our ways of doing and thinking.  That’s why we “SHOULD” all over the people we love and work with.  It’s also why we get so frustrated and angry when people violate our rules and expectations and do their own things.  

“She OUGHT to know that would tick me off!”.

“He MUST apologize for treating me that way!”

“She really SHOULD have known better!”  

Motivationally intelligent people understand their values-system and how it creates their SHOULDS, OUGHTS, and MUSTS, hot buttons.  They can learn to exchange SHOULDS with COULDS and MUSTS with WISHES.  These simple mental self-talk upgrades can effectively create more self-control and more appropriate responses to others’ behaviors.

To help keep my executive coaching clients’ SHOULDS from making them MUSTY, I start by having them complete a Reiss Motivation Profile®. This gives us scientific insights into their unique values-system. Next, I often recommend “Learning to Tell Myself the Truth,” by Dr. William Backus, Ph.d. This is an excellent workbook to improve one’s self-talk and provides practical practices for replacing one’s SHOULDS with COULDS. Working together as your accountability partner, I can help you ensure you strengthen your self-control and interpersonal effectiveness.

Could you be more effective if you stop SHOULDING on people? If so, I am happy to help you be your best at doing your good! Together we can keep you from being MUSTY!

Want to discuss what working together might look like?

Why We Are Naturally Label Makers and Name Callers

Children learn very quickly to label everything in their world. It’s the human way to categorize and make sense of what is good and bad, tasty and yucky, friendly or frightening. You get the idea. Parents reward and encourage accurate labeling.

Spend any time on a playground and you will likely hear some very derogatory, demeaning, degrading, and downright mean labels being thrown around in the form of name-calling. You doodie-head grows-up to be you idiot or worse as we adults have years of experience perfecting name-calling, even if it just stays in our internal dialogue.

Perhaps we adults can benefit from accepting our natural and masterful label making tendencies and better understand what motivates us to do this. It is not a character defect. Labeling is most likely the result of our normal values-system at work.

Professor Steven Reiss, Ph.D., the father of The Science of Motivation®, once said:

We are an intolerant species because we are motivated to assert our own values. We have a tendency to think that something must be wrong with people whose values are significantly different from our own.  We cannot comprehend how anybody can freely choose to pursue goals we intrinsically devalue because all of our experiences with those goals have been unpleasant.

Advocates of tolerance are almost always talking about political or racial tolerance. Except for a few personality experts and motivation analysts, there are almost no advocates for tolerating diverse personalities.

When one has a natural intense value for an extreme amount of order, for example, they think orderly people like them are normal, tidy, precise, detail-oriented, perfectionists. The orderly might naturally label someone with a very low need for order as messy, unorganized, tardy, a slob, and inconsiderate of how they treat shared space with the orderly person. The once-popular “Odd Couple,” play and TV series optimizes these values differences between Felix (orderly) and Oscar (unstructured).

The problem with our values-based labeling is that it is usually not only hurtful, but it is inaccurately based on misbeliefs and misunderstandings of why someone else behaves as they do as determined by one’s own worldview. Felix yells at Oscar for leaving his dirty dishes in the sink and for just assuming Felix will clean up after him. Oscar becomes offended that Felix is so up-tight and a clean freak that he can’t let Oscar live the way he feels most comfortable. They are both arguing and yelling in-defense of their strongly held values and their equally strongly held labeling. Here’s the takeaway…the argument is almost never really about the dirty dishes. The argument is about the value judgment and ascribed label that the dirty dishes generate.

As an executive coach, I work with my clients using the Reiss Motivation Profile® to help them accurately label and understand their individual values-system. Once we understand what matters most to us, we can better anticipate where we will naturally misjudge and mislabel others. Tolerance, acceptance, inclusion, and mutual respect can result from one’s self-awareness of one’s unique values-system and natural mislabeling tendencies. When it comes to interpersonal relationships and our values as Professor Reiss used to say, “Opposites do not attract. They are highly motivated to argue in defense of their strongest values.”

Are their relationships you find very difficult to maintain or people you find it incredibly difficult to work with? Do you have a ready supply of labels to tag people with? What could become possible if you understand yourself and others more accurately? Perhaps it will result in more accurate and positive labels such as friends and teammates.

Relationships begin with your contribution to them. Learn what motivates your labels by getting your Reiss Motivation Profile®. Then we can create your ABC (Attitudes, Behaviors, and Competencies) Growth Plan together and help you to be your best at doing your good!

How to Be Your Best at Doing Your Good!

It’s not easy staying an idealist in business. Whether you call yourself a social entrepreneur, conscious capitalist, b-corper, or a sustainability warrior, you are trying to build and sustain an organization that does good profitably. Doing good is good for business, but it can take a severe toll on leaders who believe they must do it all on their own. The price of failure is the loss of money and the lost benefits to society. This dual burden can easily weigh on leaders like you. Fortunately, I help idealists be their best at doing their good every day!

Many of my executive coaching clients come to me, hoping I can fix their people or processes. They are often surprised to learn that their path and fix-it strategy begins with them. Not that they need fixing, but that they need to grow into the leader and manager that their new situation requires of them. Executive coaching is about utilizing untapped potential and mastering already acquired knowledge and skills in new ways. Coaching is a highly efficient and impactful collaborative process where clients rapidly realize the benefits of professional and personal development in sustainable ways. After all, isn’t unutilized potential and ineffectively deployed talents a waste?

The foundation of a do-gooder who is excellent at doing their good is strengthening their mindset and cleaning out any misbeliefs and self-sabotaging self-talk that sparks irrational fears, doubts, and counterproductive behaviors from an executive. A coach uses powerful questions and truthful observations to allow clients to see potential blind spots and pitfalls.

My clients regularly report greater satisfaction and reduced frustrations at work and at home. They master developing and sustaining effective interpersonal relationships and alliances. Executive coaching clients who chose to work with me learn to be trustworthy, outwardly emotionally stable, demonstrably compassionate, and creators of hope. These are the high-demand qualities people look for in their leaders, according to on-going research.

“I can no longer work with my boss” continues to be the number one reason people give for changing jobs. What is undesired turnover costing your organization? What if you could quickly improve teamwork, collaboration, reduce interpersonal conflicts, and improve performance by working with me as your coach? According to recent research, the typical executive coaching client realizes a return of between $4 to $8 for every dollar invested in receiving coaching from an experienced executive coach.

Could you be better at doing your good? Take the following quick self-survey.

  1. I often feel overwhelmed by having so many things to do.
  2. I feel like I am always putting out other people’s fires and can’t focus on my plans.
  3. I constantly have to be a referee of my own people’s arguments.
  4. We lack teamwork and collaboration.
  5. My best people keep leaving.
  6. Nobody seems to care around here but me.
  7. My board wants me to be a better leader and more professional.
  8. I must be a more effective communicator.
  9. We must be more agile in our ability to change.
  10. I have got to develop my people.
  11. We have great plans and awful execution.
  12. I need to hold people more accountable.
  13. My perfectionism is getting in the way.
  14. Revenue must go up, and expenses must come down.
  15. I have got to be able to tell the story of my vision for the future better.
  16. I can’t allow myself to burnout or become discouraged and lose hope.
  17. I feel like an imposter and worry people will find out I am faking it and not making it.
  18. Our quality could be much better.
  19. I really need to delegate more.
  20. I need to develop systems and processes that can accommodate our growth goals.
  21. I need to motivate people to want to work harder.

If you can relate to any of the above statements, then there is only one more question that only you can honestly answer. Are you coachable?

If you would like to experience a free, no-obligation executive coaching session to get some clarity on a challenge or issue you are struggling with, then let’s explore what it might be like to work together. My goal is to quickly help you to be your best at doing your good! The only thing you have to lose is whatever you think is holding you back.

Executive Coaching is Change Management

“The change of one simple behavior can affect other behaviors and thus change many things.” ~ Jean Baer

Coaching is Change Management. According to the world’s leading change management experts at Prosci, all change happens at the individual level, one person at a time. Executive business coaching is also an individual change process.

Change follows a process Prosci calls ADKAR®. Prosci’s ADKAR® stands for:

  • Awareness of the need for change.
  • Desire to make the change.
  • Knowledge of how to do whatever is required by the change.
  • Ability to make the change.
  • Reinforcement to stick with the change and not revert back to the old behavior.

ADKAR® is most commonly used to explain how individuals adapt to organization-wide change. It is the same process executives must each travel to benefit from coaching, which is a change process to bring about their desired changes in behaviors or thought processes.


Someone who works with a coach, must first become aware of the need to make changes. We often use 360 degree feedback from peers and employees to help identify areas and opportunities for positive change. Perhaps an annual performance review did not go as expected. Missing a promotion or job can also spark awareness for a change. Not feeling on-purpose or like any of the executive’s contributions are meaningful or significant, can reach the level of awareness of a need to make a change.


Desire is finding the internal motivation to want to make a change in one’s behaviors or thought process. Does the executive want the goal or result of the change more than the comfort and predictability of the status quo? Sometimes a situation provides a “burning platform” where one is forced to make a change, because staying in-place is no longer an option. For coaching to achieve results, a client must desire the end-goal or results enough to actually make the required changes. Coaches are skilled in helping people find the right motives and to reframe thinking to encourage clients to desire to change.


What new skills or mastery of existing skills and knowledge is required for the client to be able to make their desired change? Coaches often help clients to craft learning and development plans and can serve as safe practice partners for executives as well as provide observation and candid feedback on client’s behaviors. One cannot successfully change a behavior, if one does not know how to do the new behavior and feel confident in how well they do the new behavior.


There can be a performance gap between knowledge and ability. A coaching client may know how to do a different behavior in theory, but be incapable of execution for some valid reason. A coach can help a client determine if a barrier to change is truly a “can’t” or “not willing to” situation. Often practice and creativity taps into a client’s previously unknown capabilities and enables them to do the new behaviors.


Is the change trip worth taking for the client? Is the gain worth the pain of learning and practicing a new behavior and the inevitable shot to one’s ego and pride? A coach helps hold clients accountable for sticking with the clients’ desired changes and acknowledges progress and improvements as well as points out backsliding. Going back to the old habit, is an old and highly effective habit. Coaches accompany clients until the new habit becomes the only way to do the new thing.

Don’t Go It Alone

Adapting to a change in one’s professional life is always a struggle and often leads to discouragement and frustration due to setbacks and backsliding. A coach is your personal resource to help you get inspired to make the change and also to find the traction to make the change stick. A coach can save you time, by helping you see what you cannot see and offer feedback and encouragement for improved performance. If you desire to make a change for the better in your effectiveness as a strategic leader, I would love to help you up! Let’s talk putting about ADKAR® in-action for a change.

For more information on change management, see “Change Management: The People Side of Change,” by Jeffrey M. Hiatt and Timothy J. Creasey. Available at Amazon.

© Prosci 2018. All rights reserved. ADKAR and ADKAR terms are registered trademarks of Prosci, Inc. Used with permission. www.prosci.com

How do I motivate my team during COVID-19?

I was recently giving a virtual presentation on motivation to the members of Indy SHRM and was asked:

How do you motivate your team in this COVID-fearing-socially distanced-masked-working remotely-Zoom-weary world?

Unfortunately, you cannot motivate a team or any other person. Science has proven that motivation is a psychological construct that is uniquely intrinsic to each person.

You can make individual connections with each person and if you understand what motivates them (a Reiss Motivation Profile®️ is super valuable data) you can inspire and stimulate their personal motives.

It’s not time to motivate your team. It’s time to listen to understand each contributor and get them what they each need to fuel their own motivation! Don’t assume you know what they need. Ask them!

Frederick Herzberg, Ph.D., wrote “One More Time: How Do You Motivate Employees?” in the Harvard Business Review, Sept.-Oct. 1987 issue. Herzberg speaks to extensive research showing what “hygiene” factors can contribute to job dissatisfaction. The reduction of negative work environment hygiene factors can reduce job dissatisfaction but not increase motivation and performance. Careful consideration of COVID-induced virtual workplace hygiene factors is well worth the time investment. Here’s some areas to consider given the new-abnormal environment:

Workplace Hygiene Factors to Consider to Decrease Job Dissatisfaction

  • Company Policies
  • Supervision
  • Interpersonal contact between employees
  • Working conditions
  • Salary
  • Peer collaboration
  • Work impact on personal life
  • Impact on status
  • Sense of security

Herzberg found several factors within management’s control could increase job satisfaction and encourage a worker’s intrinsic motivation.

Workplace Factors to Consider to Increase Job Satisfaction

  • Achievement opportunities (even small wins matter)
  • Recognition
  • Job enrichment
  • Workplace responsibility
  • Advancement
  • Professional development/growth

Vertical Job Enrichment

Perhaps the new reality offers an opportunity to redefine roles in-collaboration with your workers. Herzberg offered some excellent thought starters on what he termed, “Vertical Job Loading.”

  • Removing some controls while maintaining accountability for performance.
  • Increasing the accountability for individual worker contributions and quality.
  • Allowing a worker the opportunity to complete an entire natural work unit.
  • Encouraging individual autonomy and decision-making authority to workers.
  • Increase access to information regarding company performance and progress.
  • Allow employees to try more challenging tasks.
  • Allow employees to specialize and master a specific crucial task.

As COVID protocols drag on into fall and winter, it is important to acknowledge the challenges and changes as well as the opportunities and progress made during these uncertain times. Open dialogue and consensus building are two sure ways to help your team members feel heard, appreciated, respected and valued. Give your team members each a meaningful reason to care about their contribution and then watch their motivation show up to work!

How to Stop Sabotaging Your Success

Most of us struggle with an invisible insurgent character in our epic life’s adventure story.  This meddlesome character is the Saboteur.  Our Saboteur is speaking half-truths, exaggerations, and outright lies into our minds.  Saboteur’s often disguise their mental mischief by impersonating the trusted voices of respected people from our pasts.  Perhaps you think you hear an overprotective parent whispering, “you are bad,” or a judgmental teach saying, “you are not as smart as the really good kids,” or a distant cold father who sits in silence, proving you don’t deserve his attention, praise, or love because you are lazy and ”haven’t worked hard enough to be the winner.”

Once you begin to recognize the Saboteur’s voice, you have the power to evict them from living rent free in your mind.  I encourage my clients to visualize an actual character behind their Saboteur’s voice and then imagine having a powerful remote control with a big red mute button.  When you become aware of your Saboteur’s trash talking, simply press mute and get on with your journey in peace.

You are not an imposter! If you believe you are an imposter, find and mute your Saboteur.

Coaches offer counter self-espionage to help you shine the light of truth and expose your Saboteur for the fraud they are.

Let’s talk about imprisoning your Saboteur so you can be your best at doing your good!