Children learn very quickly to label everything in their world. It’s the human way to categorize and make sense of what is good and bad, tasty and yucky, friendly or frightening. You get the idea. Parents reward and encourage accurate labeling.

Spend any time on a playground and you will likely hear some very derogatory, demeaning, degrading, and downright mean labels being thrown around in the form of name-calling. You doodie-head grows-up to be you idiot or worse as we adults have years of experience perfecting name-calling, even if it just stays in our internal dialogue.

Perhaps we adults can benefit from accepting our natural and masterful label making tendencies and better understand what motivates us to do this. It is not a character defect. Labeling is most likely the result of our normal values-system at work.

Professor Steven Reiss, Ph.D., the father of The Science of Motivation®, once said:

We are an intolerant species because we are motivated to assert our own values. We have a tendency to think that something must be wrong with people whose values are significantly different from our own.  We cannot comprehend how anybody can freely choose to pursue goals we intrinsically devalue because all of our experiences with those goals have been unpleasant.

Advocates of tolerance are almost always talking about political or racial tolerance. Except for a few personality experts and motivation analysts, there are almost no advocates for tolerating diverse personalities.

When one has a natural intense value for an extreme amount of order, for example, they think orderly people like them are normal, tidy, precise, detail-oriented, perfectionists. The orderly might naturally label someone with a very low need for order as messy, unorganized, tardy, a slob, and inconsiderate of how they treat shared space with the orderly person. The once-popular “Odd Couple,” play and TV series optimizes these values differences between Felix (orderly) and Oscar (unstructured).

The problem with our values-based labeling is that it is usually not only hurtful, but it is inaccurately based on misbeliefs and misunderstandings of why someone else behaves as they do as determined by one’s own worldview. Felix yells at Oscar for leaving his dirty dishes in the sink and for just assuming Felix will clean up after him. Oscar becomes offended that Felix is so up-tight and a clean freak that he can’t let Oscar live the way he feels most comfortable. They are both arguing and yelling in-defense of their strongly held values and their equally strongly held labeling. Here’s the takeaway…the argument is almost never really about the dirty dishes. The argument is about the value judgment and ascribed label that the dirty dishes generate.

As an executive coach, I work with my clients using the Reiss Motivation Profile® to help them accurately label and understand their individual values-system. Once we understand what matters most to us, we can better anticipate where we will naturally misjudge and mislabel others. Tolerance, acceptance, inclusion, and mutual respect can result from one’s self-awareness of one’s unique values-system and natural mislabeling tendencies. When it comes to interpersonal relationships and our values as Professor Reiss used to say, “Opposites do not attract. They are highly motivated to argue in defense of their strongest values.”

Are their relationships you find very difficult to maintain or people you find it incredibly difficult to work with? Do you have a ready supply of labels to tag people with? What could become possible if you understand yourself and others more accurately? Perhaps it will result in more accurate and positive labels such as friends and teammates.

Relationships begin with your contribution to them. Learn what motivates your labels by getting your Reiss Motivation Profile®. Then we can create your ABC (Attitudes, Behaviors, and Competencies) Growth Plan together and help you to be your best at doing your good!

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It’s not easy staying an idealist in business. Whether you call yourself a social entrepreneur, conscious capitalist, b-corper, or a sustainability warrior, you are trying to build and sustain an organization that does good profitably. Doing good is good for business, but it can take a severe toll on leaders who believe they must do it all on their own. The price of failure is the loss of money and the lost benefits to society. This dual burden can easily weigh on leaders like you. Fortunately, I help idealists be their best at doing their good every day!

Many of my executive coaching clients come to me, hoping I can fix their people or processes. They are often surprised to learn that their path and fix-it strategy begins with them. Not that they need fixing, but that they need to grow into the leader and manager that their new situation requires of them. Executive coaching is about utilizing untapped potential and mastering already acquired knowledge and skills in new ways. Coaching is a highly efficient and impactful collaborative process where clients rapidly realize the benefits of professional and personal development in sustainable ways. After all, isn’t unutilized potential and ineffectively deployed talents a waste?

The foundation of a do-gooder who is excellent at doing their good is strengthening their mindset and cleaning out any misbeliefs and self-sabotaging self-talk that sparks irrational fears, doubts, and counterproductive behaviors from an executive. A coach uses powerful questions and truthful observations to allow clients to see potential blind spots and pitfalls.

My clients regularly report greater satisfaction and reduced frustrations at work and at home. They master developing and sustaining effective interpersonal relationships and alliances. Executive coaching clients who chose to work with me learn to be trustworthy, outwardly emotionally stable, demonstrably compassionate, and creators of hope. These are the high-demand qualities people look for in their leaders, according to on-going research.

“I can no longer work with my boss” continues to be the number one reason people give for changing jobs. What is undesired turnover costing your organization? What if you could quickly improve teamwork, collaboration, reduce interpersonal conflicts, and improve performance by working with me as your coach? According to recent research, the typical executive coaching client realizes a return of between $4 to $8 for every dollar invested in receiving coaching from an experienced executive coach.

Could you be better at doing your good? Take the following quick self-survey.

1. I often feel overwhelmed by having so many things to do.
2. I feel like I am always putting out other people’s fires and can’t focus on my plans.
3. I constantly have to be a referee of my own people’s arguments.
4. We lack teamwork and collaboration.
5. My best people keep leaving.
6. Nobody seems to care around here but me.
7. My board wants me to be a better leader and more professional.
8. I must be a more effective communicator.
9. We must be more agile in our ability to change.
10. I have got to develop my people.
11. We have great plans and awful execution.
12. I need to hold people more accountable.
13. My perfectionism is getting in the way.
14. Revenue must go up, and expenses must come down.
15. I have got to be able to tell the story of my vision for the future better.
16. I can’t allow myself to burnout or become discouraged and lose hope.
17. I feel like an imposter and worry people will find out I am faking it and not making it.
18. Our quality could be much better.
19. I really need to delegate more.
20. I need to develop systems and processes that can accommodate our growth goals.
21. I need to motivate people to want to work harder.

If you can relate to any of the above statements, then there is only one more question that only you can honestly answer. Are you coachable?

If you would like to experience a free, no-obligation executive coaching session to get some clarity on a challenge or issue you are struggling with, then let’s explore what it might be like to work together. My goal is to quickly help you to be your best at doing your good! The only thing you have to lose is whatever you think is holding you back.

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Most of us struggle with an invisible insurgent character in our epic life’s adventure story.  This meddlesome character is the Saboteur.  Our Saboteur is speaking half-truths, exaggerations, and outright lies into our minds.  Saboteur’s often disguise their mental mischief by impersonating the trusted voices of respected people from our pasts.  Perhaps you think you hear an overprotective parent whispering, “you are bad,” or a judgmental teach saying, “you are not as smart as the really good kids,” or a distant cold father who sits in silence, proving you don’t deserve his attention, praise, or love because you are lazy and ”haven’t worked hard enough to be the winner.”

Once you begin to recognize the Saboteur’s voice, you have the power to evict them from living rent free in your mind.  I encourage my clients to visualize an actual character behind their Saboteur’s voice and then imagine having a powerful remote control with a big red mute button.  When you become aware of your Saboteur’s trash talking, simply press mute and get on with your journey in peace.

You are not an imposter! If you believe you are an imposter, find and mute your Saboteur.

Coaches offer counter self-espionage to help you shine the light of truth and expose your Saboteur for the fraud they are.

Let’s talk about imprisoning your Saboteur so you can be your best at doing your good!

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